Vegas Trip 2007 - In slideshow form ;)

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So many things...

I haven't been writing in quite awhile (if you view my myspace blogs it will be pretty obvious) and I'm really not sure why that is. I can't really say I've been too busy to write because that would be a lie. I have plenty of time. Instead I fill my time by watching TV - which I justify because I'm being "social" (not really...how social can you be while watching television? But at least I'm watching with someone, right?) or I'm playing soccer or hanging out with my friends/Ryan. Anyway, I should really be using my idle time to immerse myself in God's Word or spend time in prayer, just talking to God. I'm really a bad friend to him. I mean, God is my best friend, but you wouldn't know it by looking at the way I treat him in return. It's horrible. Definitely has to change. The thing is, I really want it to change, yet I keep letting all the distractions of life take over & God just takes a back seat. How much that must hurt Him! Here He is, waiting all day for me to acknowledge Him, talk to Him, share everything with Him because He cares for me that much. And what do I do? I withdraw. Shut myself off. Tell Him I'll hang out with him later...I mean, I have time right? Do I? Do I really have time? How selfish can I be?? I really get disgusted with myself when I think about how little attention I give Jesus each day. I can't keep pushing him off until the last few minutes of the day, when I crawl into bed and say "Okay, Jesus. Now I have time to talk to you...but only 5 minutes. I'm kinda tired." I bet He's pretty tired of waiting on me.

Anyway, that took a bit of a divergence from what I had planned on writing.

Basically my plan was just to give a bit of an update on my life. I'm playing in the All Nations Cup in July. It's a soccer tournament that will be held at Starfire in Tukwila in mid-July & I'm really excited for it. I'm playing with Carrie on Team Europe and our team is pretty fun. I like the people on it & enjoy our coach a lot. It's kinda like being back in college...just having that more professional aspect back. We even have a team sponsor who got us some really sweet jerseys. I'm excited to wear them. :) So that's about all the news on the soccer front for me.

Laura & I have been shopping around for a new place to live. We're getting a little tired of the commute to Seattle from the Eastside and have been searching around the Ballard/Greenlake area, so if anyone knows of a 2 bedroom available, please pass it my way!! But it kinda needs to take pets...which makes our search a little bit more difficult. But I know God has something out there for us. We definitely won't be living on the streets. If worse comes to worse, we'll be back at the parentals for awhile. But we have plenty of couches we can crash on too. :) Anyway, prayers for us to find a place would be greatly appreciated!! Somewhere that is safe and not too sketchy preferably....

Oh! After 5 long years I am FINALLY making my return to Maui!! I will be taking a trip for 10 days in October and I cannot wait!! Sun, sand, surfing, boogie boarding, snorkling, hiking, swimming, tanning, shuffleboard (don't mock it!)...yeah...it will be great!!!! Anyway, just had to share my excitement there. :)

High Expectations?

Today is my 8 month anniversary with my boyfriend. Now, I'm not that kind of girl. The one who celebrates every little milestone/event in the relationship. And I have not yet even spent any of our "month" anniversaries with my boyfriend. But he normally visits for an hour or so on Wednesday nights on his way home from hanging with his friends, so I thought that I'd actually see him today. So...seeing as it was an anniversary of some sort, I went out of my way & baked cookies just for him as a surprise when he showed up. But...he never came. Decided just to go straight home. Normally this wouldn't be a big deal to me, as I am pretty laid back about this stuff. But the fact that I had done something for him and was looking forward to seeing him enjoy the cookies, on top of the whole "I'm PMSing right now" was a little much for me & I got emotional. As I tend to do sometimes. He called, said he was going home and I proceeded to play the guilt trip card. I'm extremely good at guilting people, which is not a good thing. Doesn't make me feel good about myself and definitely doesn't make the other person feel too great, but I can't seem to stop. I know that I'm doing it, yet only a small part of me REALLY wants to stop. The other part is urging me on. Telling me to hurt them as much as they hurt me. So I guilted him. Let's just say the phone conversation was not the least bit enjoyable for either one of us. I was barely speaking...just the occasional "yeah" and "that's nice" (with little/no emotion behind my words). While he was trying to keep the conversation going, but was pulling back & getting quieter & quieter due to the fact that I was slowly closing myself off from him. That's what I do when I get hurt. I shut down. Pull away. Sulk. I just can't deal with the problem immediately because I need time to let my feelings marinate & stew, so that I can properly prepare myself for the confrontation. Otherwise I get sullen & indifferent. I try not to let on that I have been hurt, but the second I hang that phone up the tears start rolling down my face. Tonight was no different. Plus it's almost that time of the month, so crying just happens to come more easily. I guess what really irritated me was the fact that he said he went home because he had no gas left & didn't think he'd make it to my apartment with what was in his tank. Well, I don't think there is that much difference in distance from his exit to mine versus his exit to his condo. And if he has no gas, what does he intend to do to transport himself to school/work in the morning? Because how could he possibly have enough gas to get from his condo to the gas station??? I mean that extra mile to my place was obviously too much for him, so I just don't see how that drive to the gas station is going to happen. I know, I'm getting a little nasty. But it was SO NOT a viable excuse for me. Because, let's face it. You HAVE to get gas at some point, so what difference is it if you pay tonight or tomorrow??? Obviously he just didn't want to see me tonight. Happy 8 months. Great way to celebrate the anniversary. Yeah right.
I'm still angry and still crying a little, so I'm gonna turn out the light and hopefully sleep will set in. I just can't deal with this emotionally right now. I'm sick of always being the one waiting. He wants to get together tomorrow night, but in my current state I just can't do it. Don't have the energy to see him right now. I'm just numb.