Neat to a Fault

I am a neat person. I like things organized, swept, vacuumed, and in thier "proper" places. When I was younger my two sisters would come in my room and "borrow" (without my permission) an item of clothing from my closet and I could always tell when they had been in it. A hanger would be askew, a shirt missing, or a skirt hung in the wrong spot. And if my closet door was even slightly ajar, it was a dead giveaway. They would also shift things on my dresser & desk just to irritate me. I was pretty uptight about my room. Sitting on the bed wasn't allowed & I would make a huge dramatic show of smoothing out every wrinkle on my bedspread. Yes, I was that child.

I'm still pretty neat, but now my bedroom is not quite as meticulous as it used to be. Clothes tend to pile up on my chair into a small mountain as the week rolls on, but gets cleaned up on Saturday. But one thing hasn't changed. My closet. It is my sanctuary of cleanliness. My happy place. I still keep it organized as follows:

• Sweaters are kept in the corner against the wall. They are itchy and bulky and are the outcasts of the closet.
• The shirts are very rigid and aren't very welcoming towards new garments. Because of this superior attitude of theirs they are placed next to the sweaters and segregate themselves according to sleeve length and button up or zip-up.
• Dressy tanks are the popular clique and hate mixing with the sweatshirts that border them on their right. I'll admit they are a bit stuck-up. They refuse to be hung on a hanger that does not have notches for their delicate straps to rest in. Otherwise they will slip off, one silky strap at a time.
• The sweatshirts are typical jocks and reside in the middle of the closet proclaiming their dominance. They also like to be close to the beaded, stylish tanks, so they had ulterior motives about being placed there. The hooded sweats are one team, facing off with the zip-up sweatshirts and fleeces that are on the other side of the half-line. Determination etched in their stitching.
• Next to the sweats are the skirts. They make a lot of flippant comments (pun intended) and tend to get ruffled easily by the jocks who like to tease them. Sending them into a fit and inevitably flouncing away.
• Naturally, the dresses are next to the skirts. Arranged according to season...spring...summer...fall...winter. Lights to darks. They don't say much, as they tend to keep to themselves. Probably related to the fact that they are a whole ensemble on their own and only require accessories to dress them up or down.
• Pants are clipped on hangers next to the dresses and are pretty passive and friendly. They don't have many enemies and seem to make friends wherever they go. Except when they start to fit snugly. Then they become enemies to the owner.
• Finally we have the coats. But only a few, as most are stored in the hall closet. But here, here are the favorite jackets. The ones that aren't worn often, but know that when they are worn, it is for a special occasion. So they are a bit prideful and arrogant. But that is to be expected.
• Oh, and one cannot forget the massive quantities of shoes that fill the closet. Hanging next to the luxurious coats, is a rack full of shoes...all styles. Stacked one on top of the other, as there are simply not enough compartments to hold them all. And then there are more on the shelf above the clothing in the closet. And more lined up in neat rows by my front door. Heels, wedges, peep toes, tennis shoes, athletic shoes, ballet flats, boots, Uggs. You name it. I probably have it. Yet, sadly, it still is never enough!

On top of my clothes being arranged so fastidiously, I also arrange each section by color. It is a kaleidescope of rainbow colors in my closet. Each grouping is ordered by red, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple, pink, black, brown, grey, and white. If there are patterns, I pick the most dominant color and file them accordingly.

I'm ridiculously neat and ordered. I know. And I rejoice in that fact.

Faster than a Speeding Bullet

November is almost over??? What??? When did this happen??? Are you kidding me? Only 26 days till Christmas? That's crazy!

Every year I ask this question. And every year I go through the denial. It seems the years just keep picking up speed. Maybe it's the fact that I'm aging. I mean, I'm almost 25, which is a quarter of a century old, which means I'm halfway to 50! Okay, Dani...don't think about that. Focus on your youth. Deep breath. Don't worry, I'm calm again. Maybe life really does move faster as you get older.

Whatever the reason, this year has hurtled by. And there have been tears, laughter, heartache, celebration, excitement, fear, doubt, and rejoicing. Here are some of the highlights of 2007 thus far:


January
I went to Disneyland with my good friend, Christy. I almost missed our flight, due to forgetting to set my alarm, but made it to the airport with 10 minutes to spare before take-off. We had a blast! Truly kids at heart. :) We went on rides, ate good food, had amazing talks, and made lasting memories.

I also began playing on a women's basketball team. We weren't amazing, but it was fun to get back out on the court and realize just how out of shape I truly was.

February
I took a photoshop course with my older sis. We didn't learn a whole lot of new skills, but the time spent together, laughing and writing notes via our computers, was just like being back in high school. Good or bad? You decide.

February also brought with it my 24th birthday. I celebrated in much the same way as I always do...quietly with family. I guess I'm just not that into celebrating my birthday like I used to be.

In fact, Feb is a month of birthdays for my family. I celebrated my Uncle's 50th birthday. Welcome to the Golden Years! He immediately retired. Set for a life of hunting, fishing, and mischeif making. My dad's 54th & my mom's 54th also ocurred this month.

March
I coached high school track & had a blast! Realized how much I love working with kids of all ages and what a joy they are. Definitely know that kids are in my future...some way...somehow.

I visited my friend in Pullman...Cougar country. First time in all my years at UW of ever venturing there. Realized why I had stayed away. Purple runs deep in my veins.

April
My baby sister turned 22. That's when it hit me...we are all growing up. So fast. We had fun celebrating her day of birth and reminiscing about all the stupid things we had done together in our past. Yes, we have truly reached that age. Where you look back and recount all the good times (and some of the bad), but we still look forward. With expectant faces, smiles of anticipation, and flickers of fear about the sorrow that will surely come too.

May
I went to The Killers concert with my sister & her boyfriend who was on break from the Marines. Originally, it was Laura, Julie, and I going to the concert, but we made our way all the way down to the WAMU Theater only to discover that the concert had been cancelled and rescheduled for the following weekend. We drowned our sorrows in beer and fries at Pyramid.

The first wedding of the year...Ryan's college friend Dave. Ran into an old, old classmate of mine dating back to 2nd grade. Nolan Erickson. What a small world that we were at the same wedding. Especially since I had no connection to the bride or groom, except through Ryan.

June

I flew to Spokane to meet my boyfriend and attend his best friend's (Mike) wedding. We had fun...Mike was a bit nervous the day of, so we made several stops on the way to the church for that one thing that cures and calms the nerves. Hard liquor. The wedding was quick and went off without a hitch. Before I knew it, I was back in Seattle.

June also brought my first trip to Vegas, where I played in a soccer tournament in 100+ degree heat. Fortunately, I drank water and gatorade instead of beer and margaritas like most of my team and managed to avoid heat exhaustion. Don't really have much of a desire to ever go back to Vegas. It seemed so fake to me...and I'm just not that into the clubbing and over-indulging that Vegas promotes so blatantly.

July

I played in the All Nations Cup (soccer) with Team Europe. We were sponsored by Soprano's, one of the best pizza restaurants around...check it out! Shameless promotion, I know. ;)

We made it to the championship game against Team America and won in a shootout, making us the 2007 Regional Champions. We got a medal and a plaque.

I also spent an entire day at the hospital while Ryan had his appendix removed. Did I mention it ruptured during the surgery? So scary! But it did give me a chance to immerse myself in the world of Harry Potter and gang for an entire day, so how could I complain? I finished book 7 in less than a week. Cried at points, stuck my lower lip out in sadness and frustration, and finally conculded my love affair with Harry. It truly was a sad moment in my life.

Three days after Ryan's surgery, we journeyed to Creation NW. Not the smartest choice, but we still managed to have a good time. Great bands. Great speakers. Amazing communion with God.

August

I journeyed with Laura (sister) to Cle Elum, where we spent the weekend with my mom's side of the family in a gorgeous cabin on the river. We went rafting down the Yakima, played flyer's up in the field, laughed, ate, and relaxed. Already, I am missing that quiet retreat.

Played on a softball team, despite the fact that I despise the game. Actually had fun. I'll miss the dread that filled my soul and caused my heart to plummet before each game.

September

Ryan and I shared our one year anniversary by taking a short hike up to Rattlesnake Ledge. I learned that I had not conquered my fear of falling like I had thought and, with shaky legs, stood on a rock overlooking the edge and the lake below. I had to scoot out on my but, scraping my hands and legs in the process, and then stand up in order to reach the edge to begin with.

I joined a women's bible study at Bethany Community Church (check it out if you are searching for a place to call home). I'm so thankful for the women in my small group and the connections I am forging.

Dom married Mandy! Dom, Ryan's roommate of 7 years was married, leaving Ryan homeless and sending him back to Seattle. The wedding was gorgeous and we danced well into the night.

October
My family and I made our return to Maui and spent 11 days basking in the sunshine and relaxing on the beach. I went snorkeling, boogie boarding, swimming, hiking, and even zip-lining. It was a blast! Save for the fact that I cut my leg on lava rock on day one and had to get 8 stitches. But I didn't let that stop me from enjoying the trip.

October also brought with it the painful loss of a friend and mentor at my office. Greg, our lead architect and part owner, was killed in a head-on collision on the 26th. The news devestated our office. But we pulled together like never before and slowly began healing.

November

I attended a funeral that I never expected to be at...at least not for another 30 years....guess that makes 4 weddings and a funeral for the year. I would have much preferred not having the funeral.

Thanksgiving celebration at the parents! Good food! Great people! What more could I ever want?

December
Went to the Switchfoot/Relient K concert with Ryan. Sure, we fit into the older crowd, but that didn't take away from the incredible music and energy that both bands exude.

Searched for the family Christmas tree in the freezing cold sleet and snow. Wouldn't have had it any other way.

Brad married Adrianne and they couldn't have picked a more perfect day for their wedding to occur. The snow was falling all day and created a striking back drop through the large floor-to-ceiling window behind the altar at the church. If I ever have a winter wedding, I would want to make sure I had snow that day too!

Christmas! My favorite holiday has come and gone. And with it came wonderful gifts, amazing celebration, and priceless time spent with those I love most. It was the first white Christmas I can ever remember in Seattle. God gave me exactly what I aksed for. :)

That covers some things, but leaves out a lot. Here's to a great, yet trying, 2007. I'm looking forward to the next month and the celebrations it entails. Yet also excited for the coming year and the plans I'm already beginning to make for it. Mainly the travel that will occur. Planning trips to Haiti, Nicaragua, and possibly Greece & Southern Italy in September. Can't wait to see the wonderful things God has in store for me!

Wishing you all a joyous holiday season & hoping your past year was incredible. And if it wasn't, that's fine too. God holds you in the palm of his hand, so great things will come.

Simple Joy

On Thanksgiving morning, my parents, Laura (younger sister), and I took advantage of the clear, crisp fall day and set forth on a walk around Tye Lake in Monroe. We parked by the Chocolate Moose - which was unfortunately closed - and proceeded to hike through several feet of tall grass. Okay, so Tye Lake is actually man-made. And consists of a smooth, paved path circling the lake. Perfect for walkers, mothers with strollers, bikers, and bladers. I prefer hiking through rough, rooty trails that have been solidly packed down over the years by hikers and walkers before me. Windy trails where I am constantly tripping or scraping my leg on something. BUT...we didn't have much time before our guests began arriving for the much anticpated turkey feast. So we had to settle for the 'fake lake walk'. Our dramatic nature taking charge, Laura and I tromped through the tall grass between the parking lot and beginning of the path, shouting out warnings, as the trail was extremely treacherous (sarcasm intended...however we are dramatic. That is just fact). There were a few brambles I forgot to warn Laura about, which she berated me for later.

So we began our stroll down the path, avoiding various pet droppings along the way.

While circling the lake, we noticed teal paint clinging to the reeds near the shore and were sad to note that people were dumping such toxic waste in the water. Laura & I stopped at the playground and I dared her to climb the play structure and go down the curly slide. Of course, she can't resist a dare. So she took her thin, 22-year-old frame up to the top of the play toy and I stood at the bottom of the slide, in order to spot her. Yes, we revert to being 5 & 7 when we are at home. And we relish the freedom. While Laura was struggling to squeeze herself through holes that were too tight and up ladders that were too small, a family of four approached the playground. The mother held the stroller with the baby, too young to play on the swings, while the father and son made their way to the play structure. The mother called out to her 3 year old son, "Watch out for the teenagers!" Of course, we aren't teenagers. Haven't been for years. But our antics and the fact that we are cursed with youthful features worked against us. The little boy ran over to the other curly slide, placed his hands on either side for support, and shouted up in a loud, sing-song voice "Teenagers! Oh teeeeeennnn-agers!" He was too cute.

Laura and I laughed and hurried away from the playground and back to our walk.

Further along we saw a flock of ducks swimming in the lake. One in particular stood out.
He would have blended in with all the other ducks, if not for one thing. He was twirling. The kind of twirl a little girl in a pretty dress does because she is enraptured with watching her dress billow out from her increased speed. This duck almost looked like he was stuck in a strong current because he just went 'round and 'round. Occasionally he would slow, re-orient himself, and then begin spinning all over again. He was free. He was blissfully happy. And you could tell he was getting immense pleasure from his newfound ability. The other ducks were even a bit jealous. There was a small huddle of 3-4 ducks watching the twirler and they appeared to be deep in conversation. Then, they began swimming purposefully towards my favorite spinning duck. He was unaware of their imminent approach and continued to spin in fast, tight circles. The herd of ducks swam determindley at him and ran right into him, knocking him off course and confusing his spin. The twirling duck stopped for half a minute. Swam a few feet away. And resumed his spinning. Apparently the jealous ducks didn't accomplish much.

It was really entertaining to watch and reminded me of all the simple pleasures in my own life. Like acting 14 again on a children's playground.
Thank you Lord for that simple reminder.

A Day to Give Thanks

I have never really stopped & examined the origins of Thanksgiving. Yes, I know the "story". The pilgrims traverse the Atlantic Ocean on the Mayflower and arrive, proudly displaying belt buckles on their hats and shoes, completely confused by the lay of this new land and the odd crops it reaps. The natives (often referred to as Indians, despite the fact that they are not from India), sensing the foreigners inability to survive without help, stepped in and offered their superior knowledge. In return, the pilgrims shared their abundant crops with the natives. Feasting, laughing, and drinking well into the night.

At least, that's the story we tend to hear. But I wonder, what was it really like?

So, I did what any person equipped with the resources of the milennium would do. The library? no. Asked my older and wiser relatives? no. I went to...wikipedia. The source of all that is true. Because I agree with Michael Scott from The Office.

Here is what I found:

1. In the United States, Thanksgiving Day, always a Thursday, is part of four day long weekend which usually marks a pause in school and college calendars. Many workers (78% in 2007) are given both Thanksgiving and the day after as paid holidays, and others with leave benefits are allowed to take a vacation day.[1] After Thanksgiving Day, the day after is known as the unofficial holiday of Black Friday, the beginning of the traditional Christmas shopping season. Many retailers open very early (typically 5 A.M.) and offer doorbuster deals and loss leaders to draw people to their stores.

So apparently, Thanksgiving is all about the time off from school & work & the shopping frenzy that ensues afterwards. Interesting...my view of the holiday is now forever changed.

2. Thanksgiving, or Thanksgiving Day, is a traditional North American holiday to give thanks at the conclusion of the harvest season. Thanksgiving is celebrated on the fourth Thursday of November in the United States and on the second Monday of October in Canada.

Okay. I like this definition better. Stems back more to the origins...giving thanks for the harvest. To being provided for. Not giving thanks to massive sales where people mob each other in order to get the "best" deal on the new X-box 360 or something else of material/inconsequential value.

Also, the pilgrims meal with the Native Americans was technically not the first Thanksgiving. The Native Americans had been celebrating the end of the harvest season for many years prior, but this was the first time they shared the celebration with outsiders. AND...horror of horrors...they didn't eat turkey, stuffing, or yams! It was meat upon meat. Deer. Fowl. Rabbit. Whatever they could hunt. And then of course, vegetables. Talk about eye-opening! ;)

Side Note: I just walked into the corner of my cubicle...basically the wall is at shoulder level and the point of the corner jammed into my bicep. I feel the bruise forming as I type. Typical me.

Glimpse of the Past

Recently, for some reason completely unknown to me, probably a lapse of mental clarity, I decided to allow my boyfriend, Ryan, to journey through the past with me. That's right. I began reading my middle school diary aloud. To him.

What was I thinking?? Honestly, I still can't answer that question. And it haunts me. Night and day.

Actually, it wasn't too incredibly painful. It did bring up all those long dormant emotions of inadequacy, loneliness, frustration, and unrequited 'like'. Because, let's face it, it wasn't love in middle school. It changed monthly, sometimes weekly. I like Elliott. No wait, Ben. Oh he is so last week. Don't you know I like Jeff now? Keep up! A common theme threaded throughout my diary was how I had "no friends", which was true to some extent, but not exactly. I had a lot of friends, yet I didn't have any real close friends because this was a time when so many of them were choosing popularity over me. And I wasn't one to conform. I didn't hang out with people based on their social status. I was the one who would defend the nerd or eat lunch with the
'loner'. And those are the ones I'm still friends with today.

I also revisited a painful time in my life when I lost someone close to me. My papa (grandpa). I have been thinking a lot about life and death lately, having just lost one of my co-workers several weeks ago, so it was interesting to see my perspective on things back then and to compare it to now. I was actually a pretty smart kid. I recognized that my papa was in a better place because he was now with Jesus, yet I still mourned his loss. I rejoiced in the fact that I enjoyed 13 wonderful years with him, yet cried myself to sleep thinking about all the years he wouldn't be sharing with me, my nana, and my family. The graduations, weddings, great-grandchildren, and golden anniversary that he missed. I loved him fiercely and knew he would only want me to go forward, loving life, loving family and friends, and loving God as he did. It was definitely an interesting read. And my eyes filled with tears and voice cracked...just a hair...as I read that section. I had even saved the program from his memorial service and realized papa has 2 siblings I have never even heard of! Incredible! Definitely going to discuss that with my dad when I get the chance!

I also realized I have reached the point of healing over the loss of Greg at work. It is still sad to think about him being gone at such a young age. I didn't know him as well as I would have liked. I never worked closely with him, as I am not an architect, but I did have conversations with him at lunch, in the kitchen, or in the hall. He would come by my workstation and offer advice regularly. And I miss that. I miss his quiet presence and kind words. But I am also thankful for being touched by his compassion and gentle spirit, even if only for a brief period of time.

As my 8th grade self said: "The hole in my heart will heal, but will never fully recover." And to me, that is a good thing. A great thing. God is here. Always. Through the joy and the sorrow. And he heals. How amazing is that?

Lackluster

I want to write something uplifting.
I want to write something creative.
I want to write something humorous.

Yet I feel none of these things.

I'm still dealing with a lot of emotions carried over from the previous week. I'm not upset. I'm not depressed. I'm just devoid of emotion in either direction.

I feel unmotivated, yet at the same time deeply introspective. I'm a quiet person in general, but I'm finding myself slipping into silence and escaping into the solitude of my thoughts more often lately. Thoughts about Greg. Thoughts about his family. Thoughts about my future. Sometimes just random thoughts about ridiculous things. I talk to God a lot in these times...wrestling, questioning, praising. Simply expressing my feelings to Him in any way possible.

I know I'm healing. I know life continues and I must move forward. Yet I hate the thought of losing these feelings of pain and grief because I wonder if that means I am forgetting the loss?